Goal/Challenge:  My husband and I are separating within next few weeks and we both have said divorce is best yet we both struggle to let go. He says once we don't reside together it will make letting go easier.  I need to be able to let go and move on but I feel stuck because I'm pursuing my degree, my job is unstable, we have 2 small kids who need care, and one going off to college.  He is not a planner so I feel like my life is revolving around everyone/thing else but me.

Coaching Response: Your "needing" to be able to let go immediately stood out for me. Also the words "we both struggle to let go" jumped off the page. Separation and divorce are never easy. My first question for you (as I am a Relationship Coach) is have you exhausted all other options in saving your marriage? If yes, let's move on. What are your personal thoughts about the marriage ending? If your job was stable, and the children were able to continue to get the care they need, would you be more willing to move forward in ending the marriage? What discussions have you and your husband had about how the marriage will end? Although you are considering divorce, you are still coparents and have to remain connected. How do you feel about sharing some of your fears regarding the divorce? Creating a future plan together (even if you're apart)  may be a good idea. Just because an intimate relationship may not have worked doesn't necessarily mean there can't be any relationship at all. Tell your husband what you want and have him to do the same. You both still have control over how (or even if) this story ends. God Bless.


Goal/Challenge:  Beginning this New Year, I have three main goals, two long term, and one a complete and on-going lifestyle change. My main goals are inter-connected, as I want to develop a business/venture that will allow me to become a stay-at-home mother for my two boys, as well as develop a foundation/non-profit for special needs children. My long-haul lifestyle change is needing a make-over, mentally, physically and spiritually which will benefit not only myself, but my family,friends and associates too. It sounds like a lot, but I know and believe God has a plan, I just need direction and guidance on getting there.

Coaching Response: I applaud you on your desire to develop a foundation for special needs children. I am curious to know how much of your business plan has been created and where you are in the process? Has your research been completed, have you searched for funding or grants? And most importantly have you written out your vision? The vision for the foundation is important, but your vision for your spiritual, mental and physical makeover is equally important. I feel as though your non-profit would benefit even more once you have made the changes you desire. What specific areas are you looking to improve and why? Breaking down your vision/goals into realistic/doable action items is step #1. What does your mental makeover include? Is it a matter of taking a break from it all like a retreat or is it about obtaining more training to learn how to successfully run your organization. What about your physical makeover? Does that include a healthy eating plan or specific weight loss goals? And does the spiritual makeover include spending more time in the Word? Think with the end result in mind and work backwards from there. Remember, it is okay to take baby steps. Huge life-changing goals can be quite scary, but the key is to stay focused and take it one step at a time. 

I have recently committed to going back to school to secure my future yet, I am happy and at peace still I feel i am not using my full self in life. I am fresh out of a relationship of 3 yrs, where cultural barriers(understandings) became a problem. Now I am wanting to focus on my last year of school and just want to focus on my womanhood, because one day I would love to have a healthy and loving family of my own. So i am wanting to prepare to receive the new walk in life. How can I organize/prepare myself for this and prepare to finish school.

Coaching Response: Congratulations on following through on your commitment to go back to school. It sounds like you are traveling along a new and exciting journey. Leaving a relationship that doesn't honor you is not always easy. I wonder what makes you feel as though you aren't using your full self? What do you feel is missing? I am curious about what focusing on womanhood means to you? It seems as though your plan is to work on you, so how better to work on you than to finish up school and prepare yourself to have the family you desire. It seems like a great place to be. How would you feel about creating a list on what needs to go into your preparation and what you feel you would bring to a relationship today? If there are things you would like to bring that aren't in place now, what steps must you take to add them? Also, asking yourself how you can enjoy the journey? What can you do or work on during this time? I find that this waiting period offers the greatest opportunity to plan, seek, learn and enjoy. Looking for the joy in this situation is also fun. By asking questions like "what should I be learning here?" and "How will I grow here?" are key. Know that you deserve all the happiness you can hold.

Challenge 1) I have just started working on putting my business plan into action. I have had the dream of empowering women/young ladies on self esteem and overcoming obstacles of life. I sometimes let my past interfere and I feel like I can not achieve my goals. I have a great business plan. There is so much more for my business but I procrastinate a lot. Challenge 2) I was a single mother of 4 for a long time alone. Now I am married to the man God sent to me. I have a a hard time allowing him to lead and to discipline. He is a great man and has also adopted my babies. I know its hard because I was alone for so long.

Coaching Response: First, let me congratulate you on completing a business plan and started to put it into action. Although you admitted to being a procrastinator, the fact that you completed that project is a big deal, so kudos to you. Many of us allow the past to interfere with our future. But my suggestion to you would be to use your past to empower women. Because so many women struggle with moving forward, once you overcome this obstacle others can benefit from hearing of your success. The questions I would ask you are: Because you sometimes feel like you can achieve your goals, I am curious if you have had a goal before that you were able to accomplish? If so, how did you do it? Who did you have to be to make that happen and how can that part of you show up again to make this new goal happen? The funny thing is a lot of us don't realize we have already accomplished goals in our life. Some we don't even consider as being a goal, like graduating, being a great parent, having healthy relationships and WRITING A BUSINESS PLAN:). Other questions I would ask include: What normally causes your procrastination? How often do you feel overwhelmed by your to do list? How realistic is your to do list? Is your to do list intimidating? If so, how can you make it less intimidating? The dream you have of empowering others, is it written down? What is the first action item on how you will achieve that dream and have you begun navigating through that? As far as your second challenge, I am going to challenge you as well. What are your thoughts on slowly relinquishing total control in your relationship? How much do you trust your husband? How willing are you to demonstrate that trust by stepping back and sharing in running the household? It makes sense why you feel the way you do, because you have been leading and running your household for so long. But now because you are in a partnership, what are you willing and wanting to do different to make your marriage work. As always, I would love to hear of your success. Thanks!


Goal/Challenge:Two areas of challenges: 1) I started my own business as an emergency preparedness planner focusing on public health preparedness. I enjoy this line of work but don't feel passionate about it anymore. I feel as if I need to be doing something that helps people, I just don't know what it is. I also think that I have a fear of success because I procrastinate too much. 2) I just got engaged & I'm happy but scared at the same time. I am a very independent woman & I don't know if I know how to let my fiancee lead & be head of the household. Now when he makes decisions & I don't like then I just go back 2 my house b/c  I don't have 2 deal with them. I haven't expressed this to him yet b/c I'm not sure how to approach it. Your guidance would truly be appreciated.

Coaching Response: Congratulations are definitely in order for starting a business and becoming engaged. It sounds like an exciting time for you. From your comments about your line of work it appears you were once passionate about it and I wonder what changed for you? Are there certain parts of the work that you still are excited about? If so, what are those things and what careers tie directly into that part of the job? You mentioned wanting to help people, when you think about your talents, skills, strengths and desire how would they all best serve others? It's really a good time to start brainstorming your likes, dislikes and what you would do even if you weren't receiving a paycheck. Success can be frightening at first, so I understand your fear. If you were to break down that fear, what would you say you are most afraid of? Now ask, how likely is that to happen? Occasionally procrastination stems from simply being overwhelmed by the big picture goal. It is always best to break down larger goals into smaller bite-size pieces. That way they don't seem as scary and can actually become more attainable.  Marriage can also appear overwhelming in the beginning, you are merging two lives. All the decisions won't be made in the beginning, there will be trial and error along the way. The important thing is to learn and keep moving forward together. The idea is not to repeat the same mistakes. Fortunately, a healthy marriage does require that you stay and deal with whatever comes your way, even when there are decisions we don't agree with. Having a conversation with your soon-to-be spouse might uncover he has some of the same fears. A marriage built on love, communication, trust, honesty, commitment and sacrifice is sure to stand the test of time. I wish you all the best and pray for many blessings to come your way.


Goal/Challenge: Since I graduated from college six years ago I have not stabilized myself. I have developed a pattern of being in and out of work. I have had many jobs but I have yet to have a job of my total interest and of my degree field, so my skills are under developed. With all of this, I am technically still at entry level as far as career skills. And shameless to say, I have lost my ability to focus on one task at a time to get things completed in my life. Please help.

Coaching Response: Thank you for your honesty. Many of us are unable to own up to the areas in our lives where we can stand to improve. An immediate question that comes up for me is what was your major? From your comment, how fair is it to say it was a major that no longer excites you?  I have found in my own life as well as those of my clients when we are unable to focus on a task/job/relationship and stay commited to it, it usually something we are truly not interested in. I am excited for you to discover specifically what you are interested in? What truly brings you joy? What would you do whether or not there was a paycheck to follow? What do you go to bed thinking of and wake up thinking of? Volunteering in that area/industry is always a valuable way to gain experience and new skills. To assist you in staying on task, how would you feel about creating a to-do list? Not one of those large and unrealistic to-do lists, but one that breaks down your tasks into bit-sized pieces? Your words are very hopeful "I have lost my ability to focus...". If you have lost it, that means you actually owned it before. Now we know you do have that ability. I challenge you to let yourself off the hook (this time) and start anew.   Whatever you pursue, make sure there is passion behind it. Know why you want it and go for it!  

Goal/Challenge: I am a full-time Realtor (in one of the worse economic eras), recently engaged and have decided to go back to school for another degree in Nursing.  I am feeling a little apprehensive because I just moved in with my fiance' and I am realizing that this marriage thing is going to be "loads of work."  I am not certain how to navigate through all of this...and have it all be successful.

Coaching Response: Thank you for your comment. First, allow me to congratulate you on your engagement. Love and relationships are both passions of mine, so I always get extremely excited when I hear about a new union. Marriage can be a wonderful partnership and can also take work. What are your thoughts on how the schooling will affect your upcoming nuptials? Are you feeling that one will somehow interfere with the other? What type of support will your fiance provide? How would you feel about having a conversation with your fiance on what you're feeling? I am also curious about the "loads of work" that you feel your marriage will need and what a successful marriage looks like to you and your fiance (might want to add that in the conversation too). I would also encourage you to write down what you're feeling and the ideas you have about marriage. For example, what do you think it will require of you and what school will require of you and be realistic about what you have available to give to each. It is understandable for someone to feel overwhelmed when life-altering changes are starting to take place. But that is always the perfect opportunity to put a plan into place. We can always start by taking that personal inventory of ourselves; what we need, what is going to work for us and what is not going to work for us. We have to be honest but also prepared for what that change will bring. I welcome the opportunity to speak with you in more detail.

Goal/Challenge:
I am considering life coaching, but already have my MA in Counseling. In your opinion is it necessary to be "certified"? What are the benefits for someone like me to be become a certifed life coach?

Coaching Response: Thank you for your question and congrats on your MA. Unfortunately I am not very familiar with the curriculum and study required to get your MA in Counseling, but I will tell you that my coach training program was absolutely life changing. The program gave me the opportunity to walk in my customer's shoes in terms of being a coaching client myself.  I knew how it felt to have the skills and tools I learned applied to my real life situations. I feel that helped me to become an even better coach. There are some differences in counseling and coaching. Coaching is task oriented. Clients are expected to take actions that will deliver the achievement of desired goals. Coach training programs offer a life changing experience that I highly recommend. Good luck to you.

Goal/Challenge:I am regretful about a past relationship that I dropped without closure. How can I move past this feeling?

Coaching Response: Thank you for your question. Usually when things are unfinished it is really difficult to move forward. I am curious as to the type of regret you are experiencing. A great place to start is to take a minute and write down the thing that you regret the most. How would you feel about asking yourself the following questions: Do you regret something you did in the relationship, do you regret that it didn't work out, do you regret trusting the other person in the relationship? What are your thoughts about your personal contribution to the relationship? Are you feeling like you could've given more or maybe you gave too much? I also had a question regarding the feeling you can't move past. If you could describe that feeling, what does it include and where is it coming from? What are your feelings and more important than that, what actions are you willing to take to get the closure? Once closure is completed, how will you feel? Once you've answered these questions, please feel free to share your results.

Goal/Challenge: I suffer from fear that has virtually paralyzed me. I can not drive alone.

Coaching Response: Thank you for your question. It takes courage to admit there is fear. The word suffer immediately stood out, you recognize that this fear is causing you to suffer. That is huge. I am curious as to how long you've had this fear and what prompted it? What happens when you've tried to drive alone? What type of help have you sought previously? What type of help are you willing to seek? When you think about how this fear has paralyzed you, what do you feel you've missed out on because of it? If you are really ready to battle this fear, what type of support do you need and how are you willing to go about receiving it? It would be great for us to speak in more detail about how you can start to overcome what's holding you back. The thing to remember, you don't have to battle this alone.

Goal/Challenge: I would love to become a Life Coach myself.  What would be the best way to get started?  Any particular online/live institutes you suggest I go through?

Coaching Response: What a great career choice! Being a Life Coach is such a rewarding career, so I am always quick to help someone who is interested in the field. I received my certification through Ipec Coaching Institute which I highly recommend to any and everyone (http://www.ipeccoaching.com/). It is a great program that is hands on and life changing. Another great way to begin your journey is by visiting the International Coach Federation (ICF) website at (http://www.coachfederation.org/). Here you will find a list of programs and other great information about coaching.  I hope this info will help to get you started. If you have any other questions (especially about Ipec) please don't hesitate to contact me.


Goal/Challenge: Get busy living and not dying

Coaching Response: Love it! Congratulations for being ready to start living. Your coaching challenge was not only the shortest one I've received, but it was also the most thought provoking. As I read your statement so many questions ran through my mind that I would love to discuss with you personally. Because of the depth of this question, I am curious as to whether there is a health concern and what treatment or diagnosis has been received?

Being busy living requires YOU! That is basically your very first step. You have to be on board. Where has the majority of your focus been lately? Has it been on living or on dying? If it hasn't been on living, why not? What are you most afraid of and why?  What are your fears about not living? Is the fear that you would not have done all that you planned? Next question, what are some of the things you do have planned and what does living mean to you? Picture your ideal life, what does it include? Now how have you begun including those things that your ideal life requires? It's list time! How do you feel about making a list of the things that make you feel like you're truly living? After that list is created, what will it take to make those things happen (action plans)? I would love  to discuss  more about your list and your plans. Please contact me.

"Life is not measured by the number of breathes we take, but by the moments that take our breath away. "~ Author Unknown


Goal/Challenge: I am transitioning my life overall. Career, dating, goals, and my inner self.  It is difficult staying motivated to achieve the things you deserve when you have been settling for far less for so long.  How do you continue to progress when those past insecurities arise?


Coaching Response: The way you phrased your question, “how to stay motivated to achieve things you deserve” sounds like you already know you deserve great things. Congratulations! Now why do you think you deserve a great career, a great relationship or deserve to become a better you? (Please write your answers down). How can you use all the reasons that you deserve great things to help you stay motivated? What strengths did you hear about yourself? Knowing that you truly do deserve great things is the very first step. How have you allowed your insecurities to stop you?  How do they play into your settling for less? It sounds like your old life rules allowed those insecurities to be in control and that decision made it harder for you to stay motivated and progress. What if you were to rewrite your life rules, what could they include that would help you move forward? Please feel free to share your new life rules with me. Remember not all goals can be achieved overnight, they do take time. Prioritizing our goals and taking them step by step is a great way to start progressing. Every step forward counts.  



Goal/Challenge:  Here is my dilemma.  I am an only child.  Unfortunate for me, my childhood was full of domestic violence and substance abuse.  As a kid I was not allowed to have any friends over or go over friend’s house because my parents were embarrassed about the things they did.  I was not able to get out and be sociable until I was in middle school.  I believe, my isolated years, have made me a loner by default. As an adult, it is normal for me to be alone and go out alone.  I can easily shut myself off into a room with a book or TV.  My husband is from a large family and he is used to being around people.  He perceived my behavior as not wanting him and not loving him.  It is actually the opposite.  I have come to an understanding that my childhood has had a negative effect on my marriage.  How can I change this?

Coaching Response: In order for change to happen we must first admit that some part of us needs changing. I applaud you for taking ownership of your actions and being open and honest about your situation. It is normal for an only child to be more comfortable being alone, that is what you are accustomed to. Because of your specific childhood with the violence and substance abuse, it is absolutely understandable why you feel the way you do. Most people raised in that situation would feel the same way. The fact that you want change makes it clear that what you’ve been experiencing (retreating to a quiet room, being alone) is not working for you or your marriage. This is a great place to start. My first question is what type of help (prayer, therapy, counseling, pastoral guidance etc.) have you received to deal with your painful childhood? If none, how would you feel about seeking a professional to speak with? This may be a great decision in terms of helping you heal.  Here are a few more questions to consider:

• What type of conversations have you had with your husband about your upbringing and why you prefer to spend time alone?  
• What do you think are your husband’s expectations of you in regards to spending more time with the family?
• If you’re not sure, how would you feel about having a conversation about what’s reasonable to him? Then determining what is reasonable for you.
• What is a realistic amount of time or activities each week that you are able to spend with your husband? It’s important to be realistic and not over extend yourself, but take it slow and start adding a little more time as you feel comfortable.
• What are some activities that you’ve enjoyed doing alone that you wouldn’t mind sharing with your husband?  

The silver lining in your situation is this, as a child you didn't have a choice. It seems that you were somewhat forced to be alone because of what was happening in your household. But now you have a husband who wants to be with you, so you no longer have to choose to be alone.

As always Life Editing is about rewriting your life to reflect your dreams. I help people remove what's not working in order to have more of what they want. Please let me know how I can assist you.

Goal/Challenge: Basically, I have been trying to finish college for years (BS in Healthcare) and I am struggling with money to pay for school and I don't want anymore loans...I attend school online due to my lifestyle. I am trying to stay positive and figure out a way to get back in school by using my income. I have a positive spirit about myself, but when goals you set for yourself are not obtained in a reasonable fashion, I am starting to get discouraged and disappointed with myself for past mistakes. Second goal is I want to BE a successful business owner; my passion is helping single mothers (like myself) and helping adolescent girls by being an encourager for them. One way of getting out this dream of mines is by writing a few books directed at these two passions (I am a natural writer, but not trained). After I have written the books (I have started both), what would be my next avenues to pursue for publishing?


Coaching Response: Thanks for sharing your story. It can be very challenging to stay positive when you aren't receiving the results you hoped for. But, because you do have a positive spirit, what are some positive affirmations you can start using daily to motivate yourself? Also, in regards to trying to finish school, what type of financial aid or scholarships are available in your area? There are scholarships for just about everything, including single mothers. Is that something that you've done further research on? Using your income to pay for schooling is a great way to get started, what are some other ways that you could possibly bring in additional income to add to that, so it won't be as big of a burden? It is understandable to feel discouraged with past mistakes. The great thing about Coaching is that we are always looking to move forward. I always recommend keeping your eyes fixed on what's ahead. If you continue to look behind you, you might bump into something. I have to applaud you on your passion to help single mothers and adolescent girls. This world and people in need would benefit greatly if more people shared their gifts. Good for you! Have you considered creating workshops or seminars to help the women and girls?

There are so many options when looking to get published, I did email you a great link for a product that helps you not only with the writing but also with the publishing. Are you interested in taking classes for writing? I know many of the classes would also have great information about getting published. If you do a search on getting published, you will also find a ton of information. I  know that a lot of writers now self-publish and create e-books. Is that something you've considered?

When setting goals, it can be very discouraging when you aren't seeing immediate results. The key is to set smaller goals that work up to your ultimate goal. For example, what is the first step you need to take to find out more about publishing? Whatever that answer is, would be your first goal. After you've accomplished that goal, the next goal is what do you do with the information, do you begin calling publishers, agents etc? And so on, you continue creating those smaller goals. Please feel free to share with Life Editing the smaller goals you set, I look forward to hearing of your success! Remember the past is the past, it is gone and never coming back. Today is a new day!