Life Editing
Rewriting your life to Reflect your dreams.
With Tiya Cunningham-Sumter
Coaching Answer: Thank you for your question and congrats on your MA. Unfortunately I am not very familiar with the curriculum and study required to get your MA in Counseling, but I will tell you that my coach training program was absolutely life changing. The program gave me the opportunity to walk in my customer's shoes in terms of being a coaching client myself. I knew how it felt to have the skills and tools I learned applied to my real life situations. I feel that helped me to become an even better coach. There are some differences in counseling and coaching. Coaching is task oriented. Clients are expected to take actions that will deliver the achievement of desired goals. Coach training programs offer a life changing experience that I highly recommend. Good luck to you.
Goal/Challenge:I am regretful about a past relationship that I dropped without closure. How can I move past this feeling?
Coaching Answer: Thank you for your question. Usually when things are unfinished it is really difficult to move forward. I am curious as to the type of regret you are experiencing. A great place to start is to take a minute and write down the thing that you regret the most. How would you feel about asking yourself the following questions: Do you regret something you did in the relationship, do you regret that it didn't work out, do you regret trusting the other person in the relationship? What are your thoughts about your personal contribution to the relationship? Are you feeling like you could've given more or maybe you gave too much? I also had a question regarding the feeling you can't move past. If you could describe that feeling, what does it include and where is it coming from? What are your feelings and more important than that, what actions are you willing to take to get the closure? Once closure is completed, how will you feel? Once you've answered these questions, please feel free to share your results.
Goal/Challenge: I suffer from fear that has virtually paralyzed me. I can not drive alone.
Coaching Answer: Thank you for your question. It takes courage to admit there is fear. The word suffer immediately stood out, you recognize that this fear is causing you to suffer. That is huge. I am curious as to how long you've had this fear and what prompted it? What happens when you've tried to drive alone? What type of help have you sought previously? What type of help are you willing to seek? When you think about how this fear has paralyzed you, what do you feel you've missed out on because of it? If you are really ready to battle this fear, what type of support do you need and how are you willing to go about receiving it? It would be great for us to speak in more detail about how you can start to overcome what's holding you back. The thing to remember, you don't have to battle this alone.
Goal/Challenge: I would love to become a Life Coach myself. What would be the best way to get started? Any particular online/live institutes you suggest I go through?
Coaching Answer: What a great career choice! Being a Life Coach is such a rewarding career, so I am always quick to help someone who is interested in the field. I received my certification through Ipec Coaching Institute which I highly recommend to any and everyone (http://www.ipeccoaching.com/). It is a great program that is hands on and life changing. Another great way to begin your journey is by visiting the International Coach Federation (ICF) website at (http://www.coachfederation.org/). Here you will find a list of programs and other great information about coaching. I hope this info will help to get you started. If you have any other questions (especially about Ipec) please don't hesitate to contact me.
Goal/Challenge: Get busy living and not dying
Coaching Questions: Love it! Congratulations for being ready to start living. Your coaching challenge was not only the shortest one I've received, but it was also the most thought provoking. As I read your statement so many questions ran through my mind that I would love to discuss with you personally. Because of the depth of this question, I am curious as to whether there is a health concern and what treatment or diagnosis has been received?
Being busy living requires YOU! That is basically your very first step. You have to be on board. Where has the majority of your focus been lately? Has it been on living or on dying? If it hasn't been on living, why not? What are you most afraid of and why? What are your fears about not living? Is the fear that you would not have done all that you planned? Next question, what are some of the things you do have planned and what does living mean to you? Picture your ideal life, what does it include? Now how have you begun including those things that your ideal life requires? It's list time! How do you feel about making a list of the things that make you feel like you're truly living? After that list is created, what will it take to make those things happen (action plans)? I would love to discuss more about your list and your plans. Please contact me.
"Life is not measured by the number of breathes we take, but by the moments that take our breath away. "~ Author Unknown
Goal/Challenge: I am transitioning my life overall. Career, dating, goals, and my inner self. It is difficult staying motivated to achieve the things you deserve when you have been settling for far less for so long. How do you continue to progress when those past insecurities arise?
Coaching Questions: The way you phrased your question, “how to stay motivated to achieve things you deserve” sounds like you already know you deserve great things. Congratulations! Now why do you think you deserve a great career, a great relationship or deserve to become a better you? (Please write your answers down). How can you use all the reasons that you deserve great things to help you stay motivated? What strengths did you hear about yourself? Knowing that you truly do deserve great things is the very first step. How have you allowed your insecurities to stop you? How do they play into your settling for less? It sounds like your old life rules allowed those insecurities to be in control and that decision made it harder for you to stay motivated and progress. What if you were to rewrite your life rules, what could they include that would help you move forward? Please feel free to share your new life rules with me. Remember not all goals can be achieved overnight, they do take time. Prioritizing our goals and taking them step by step is a great way to start progressing. Every step forward counts.
Goal/Challenge: Here is my dilemma. I am an only child. Unfortunate for me, my childhood was full of domestic violence and substance abuse. As a kid I was not allowed to have any friends over or go over friend’s house because my parents were embarrassed about the things they did. I was not able to get out and be sociable until I was in middle school. I believe, my isolated years, have made me a loner by default. As an adult, it is normal for me to be alone and go out alone. I can easily shut myself off into a room with a book or TV. My husband is from a large family and he is used to being around people. He perceived my behavior as not wanting him and not loving him. It is actually the opposite. I have come to an understanding that my childhood has had a negative effect on my marriage. How can I change this?
Coaching Questions: In order for change to happen we must first admit that some part of us needs changing. I applaud you for taking ownership of your actions and being open and honest about your situation. It is normal for an only child to be more comfortable being alone, that is what you are accustomed to. Because of your specific childhood with the violence and substance abuse, it is absolutely understandable why you feel the way you do. Most people raised in that situation would feel the same way. The fact that you want change makes it clear that what you’ve been experiencing (retreating to a quiet room, being alone) is not working for you or your marriage. This is a great place to start. My first question is what type of help (prayer, therapy, counseling, pastoral guidance etc.) have you received to deal with your painful childhood? If none, how would you feel about seeking a professional to speak with? This may be a great decision in terms of helping you heal. Here are a few more questions to consider:
- What type of conversations have you had with your husband about your upbringing and why you prefer to spend time alone?
- What do you think are your husband’s expectations of you in regards to spending more time with the family?
- If you’re not sure, how would you feel about having a conversation about what’s reasonable to him? Then determining what is reasonable for you.
- What is a realistic amount of time or activities each week that you are able to spend with your husband? It’s important to be realistic and not over extend yourself, but take it slow and start adding a little more time as you feel comfortable.
- What are some activities that you’ve enjoyed doing alone that you wouldn’t mind sharing with your husband?
The silver lining in your situation is this, as a child you didn't have a choice. It seems that you were somewhat forced to be alone because of what was happening in your household. But now you have a husband who wants to be with you, so you no longer have to choose to be alone.
As always Life Editing is about rewriting your life to reflect your dreams. I help people remove what's not working in order to have more of what they want. Please let me know how I can assist you.
Goal/Challenge: Basically, I have been trying to finish college for years (BS in Healthcare) and I am struggling with money to pay for school and I don't want anymore loans...I attend school online due to my lifestyle. I am trying to stay positive and figure out a way to get back in school by using my income. I have a positive spirit about myself, but when goals you set for yourself are not obtained in a reasonable fashion, I am starting to get discouraged and disappointed with myself for past mistakes. Second goal is I want to BE a successful business owner; my passion is helping single mothers (like myself) and helping adolescent girls by being an encourager for them. One way of getting out this dream of mines is by writing a few books directed at these two passions (I am a natural writer, but not trained). After I have written the books (I have started both), what would be my next avenues to pursue for publishing?
Coaching Questions: Thanks for sharing your story. It can be very challenging to stay positive when you aren't receiving the results you hoped for. But, because you do have a positive spirit, what are some positive affirmations you can start using daily to motivate yourself? Also, in regards to trying to finish school, what type of financial aid or scholarships are available in your area? There are scholarships for just about everything, including single mothers. Is that something that you've done further research on? Using your income to pay for schooling is a great way to get started, what are some other ways that you could possibly bring in additional income to add to that, so it won't be as big of a burden? It is understandable to feel discouraged with past mistakes. The great thing about Coaching is that we are always looking to move forward. I always recommend keeping your eyes fixed on what's ahead. If you continue to look behind you, you might bump into something. I have to applaud you on your passion to help single mothers and adolescent girls. This world and people in need would benefit greatly if more people shared their gifts. Good for you! Have you considered creating workshops or seminars to help the women and girls?
There are so many options when looking to get published, I did email you a great link for a product that helps you not only with the writing but also with the publishing. Are you interested in taking classes for writing? I know many of the classes would also have great information about getting published. If you do a search on getting published, you will also find a ton of information. I know that a lot of writers now self-publish and create e-books. Is that something you've considered?
When setting goals, it can be very discouraging when you aren't seeing immediate results. The key is to set smaller goals that work up to your ultimate goal. For example, what is the first step you need to take to find out more about publishing? Whatever that answer is, would be your first goal. After you've accomplished that goal, the next goal is what do you do with the information, do you begin calling publishers, agents etc? And so on, you continue creating those smaller goals. Please feel free to share with Life Editing the smaller goals you set, I look forward to hearing of your success! Remember the past is the past, it is gone and never coming back. Today is a new day!
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